


Dart's Drabble Trailer

by Dart



Series: QB-E1 2020 Fest [8]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25479742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dart/pseuds/Dart
Summary: "How many miles can I get out of this bunny?"We've got drabbles, we've got "Coming Soon", we've got only one bed and we've got "And they lived! Due to a judicious use of Handwavium."Each chapter is a different adventure. (That might be overselling it.) Fine, a differentStory. (That is definitely overselling it.)
Relationships: Eve Moneypenny/Strawberry Fields, James Bond/Danny Holt/Q/Alex Turner, James Bond/Q, Q/Alec Trevelyan
Series: QB-E1 2020 Fest [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822318
Comments: 25
Kudos: 12





	1. And Strawpenny and Moneyfields Lived Happily Ever After ~or~ James Bond's Ridiculous Ears are Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fields lives! Moneypenny takes advantage. (Of that fact.) Also, stationery.

Fields: “So he says he needs help finding the stationery and I’ve got this big old designer purse and I step into the bedroom—you know how those fancy hotels are—with my nose in my purse and I look up with a Tomoe River pad in one hand—“

Moneypenny: _snorts_

Fields: “I haven’t even _told_ you yet,” 

Moneypenny: “It’s Bond. It’s gotta be worse than I can imagine.”

Fields: “—and a Rhodia in the other. A girl’s gotta have options. And he’s already got his shirt off and poor man is _flexing.”_

**Moneypenny is a hardass, but this just might make her _cry_. Tears of _mirth_.**

Moneypenny: "And then what?"

Fields: "I never shoot a poor man down for having the wrong equipment and tell."

Fields: "He's got good taste in fountain pens though."

Moneypenny: “Will you show me your ink collection?”

Fields: “Of course! But after we have sex, right?”


	2. Sweet Somethings ~or~ 007/Q + Coffee/Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one's James and Q. Now with coffee! And cake!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff Prompt Table: Free Space

“Is this space free?” asks a blond.   
A very well built, well-dressed blond. A blond currently holding a coffee, but more importantly a flat white in a mug solely reserved for Q.   
Q looks pointedly at the free tables in the coffee shop. The place is empty, but this tosser clearly wants to sit in the other chair at Q’s tiny table.   
"The triple chocolate raspberry torte with extra whipped cream, hold the coulis, but double the chocolate shavings will be right out."  
"You've got till I finish the cake," Q says.

~~00Q~~

_The server brings out the entire torte._


	3. The Not So Secret Secret Class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the 2017 Fest Prompt: 00QAD - James mentoring Alex by giving him courting and bedroom tips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Polyamory Day!! 
> 
> Note: This goes with the next chapter.

Q closed the door and slipped off his shoes. “Where’s the rest of us?” 

Danny heaved an enormous sigh. “Alex has Lab.”

Q raised an eyebrow. “Is that what we’re calling it?”

“What? It’s the hands on portion of class.”

“That we’re not supposed to know about.”

“It’s sweet,” Danny said, “I just…”

Q opened his arms to take Danny in. “Hate being left out of a cuddle, I know.”

* * *

Alex was leaning over a boneless James. James ran the back of his fingers along Alex’ cheek. “Excellent work, Alex. I’m very pleased with your…initiative. For next week’s lesson, be thinking about how to entice Danny with FLUFF.”


	4. 4-Way Fluff ~or~ Mr. Mistoffelees‘ Magical Afternoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2017 Fest Prompt: 00QAD - four-way fluff, maybe cooking together or watching a movie and touching/kissing/etc

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Polyamory Day!
> 
> Note: This continues the previous chapter. Alex’ homework was enticing Danny with FLUFF.

Danny reaches out to stroke the costume-in-progress, but Q makes to smack his hands. 

“No touching! Not yet.”

Danny grumbles, “James Grabby Hands had to go and ruin it for everyone.”

Q says, “Yes well, no touching until it’s completely finished. Or it will never be finished.”

“But it’s so glamorous,” Danny says wistfully eyeing the black velvet and rhinestone costume.

Q speaks around the pins in his mouth, “What’s Alex doing?”

“Something secret in the kitchen. Why do you think I’m out here pawing at you?”

“He is immensely pawable,” James says. 

Danny pouts. “He wouldn’t even let me sit on the counter. He _always_ lets me sit on the counter.”

“I’ve got something you can sit on,” James says with Seductive Face on. 

“Oh god please do,” Q says. “Keep you both out of trouble.”

Danny laughs so hard, he falls into James’ lap.

“We invented trouble,” James growls and makes Danny forget all about the secretdoings in the kitchen. 

* * *

Alex emerges from the kitchen, looking nervous and unsure.

Danny goes and wraps his arms around him. 

Alex says, “I made you pink fluff. It’s bright and sweet like you and fluffy like your bedhead. But it’s got to chill.”

Danny kisses and kisses and kisses him.

“Where’s my fluff?” Q demands of James. 

And James gives a growl and stalks toward Q. “I thought you’d _never_ ask.”

Q shrieks and bolts to the bedroom and James gives a filthy grin. He calls, “Here kitty kitty kitty,” as he prowls down the hall. “Pretty kitty is missing some fluff for his costume.” 

“Mrow?” Q calls curiously from the bedroom. 

“Mr. Mistoffelees likes electricity so much, I can’t wait to hear him _yowl_ when I turn on his new fluffy cat tail.”

“Mrow?” 

Alex and Danny grab the new cat ears and velvet and rhinestone collar from their hiding place and follow James.

“Your voice’ll be heard on the roof,” Danny calls down the hall.

James is in the bedroom now. “Oh you’re a wild kitty. Want me to catch you, huh?”

“Mrow!”

“Such a needy kitty. Christ I love it when you get so worked up we all have to hold you down,” James says. 

* * *

And they all came happily ever after. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Q is making his Mr. Mistoffelees costume for their Cats watching party. The actual cats are visiting Auntie Moneypenny.


	5. Easy Killer or the Great “When For the Love of God will 007 and Our Beloved Quartermaster Hook Up Already” Betting Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You never know what you might see late at night in Q Branch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Collab Prompt Table prompt from Linorien and Cassie: “write something from the pov of a q branch minion.”

Lucy is coming around with the “When For the Love of God will 007 and Our Beloved Quartermaster Hook Up Already” betting pool. Claire bends closer to her paperwork. _Do not make eye contact._

Sam says, “Put me down for £20 on the 17th.”

Lucy leans in, “What do you know about the 17th?”

Sam—2 parts sweet and 1 million parts cocky—raises her eyebrows and says, “What _don’t_ I know about the 17th?”

And then Darren scares the _ever living shite_ out of her by piping up in her ear, “Can’t believe there’s not a betting pool on those two yet.”

Claire rolls her chair back over his toes out of spite. It’s more of a grunt than a howl, he’s onto her tricks.

Lucy raises her eyebrow at Claire and tilts her head at the book.

Claire gives a little shake of her head and an even smaller smile. And then she gives Darren a bit of a shove toward Lucy.

It’s easier to let them think she’s skint or opposed to gambling or just oblivious. (Just like it’s easier to let them think her new nickname is because she’s clutzy.)

It’s also _funnier_. 

Yeah, see the thing is, she _knows_.

Because she was working late one night. And there were _noises_. Some sort of kerfuffle. And in hindsight, she may have consumed enough caffeine to see colors that day. May have, oh, threatened a 00 with the nearest weapon at hand, which was more of a pointy office supply than an actual weapon. Though to be fair, it would be a deadly weapon in the hands of an agent, certainly in the hands of the 00 she had been threatening. In her defense, it _looked_ like he was accosting the Quartermaster. 

Only when 006 turned around…

And she asked, “Sir, are you alright?

Q was entirely crimson and disheveled and _oh_ …

Q said in a rather raspy voice, “I assure you this is entirely consensual.”

006 snorted. “I distinctly remember you threatening in great detail exactly how you were going to remove my balls if I did not immediately cater to your very specific carnal desires, Q.”

Q said to her, “You know what? Go ahead and stab him. He deserves it.”

006 turned back to her, his hands raised to humor her and said, “Easy killer.” 

Which she supposed was better than threatening or, you know, killing her. 

006 said, “You have zero sense of self preservation, but as you went rushing in to protect my…”

“Your _what_?” Q was amused. 

006’s face —she didn't think such a warm smile was possible on him—melted into some sort of lovestruck goo. 

“My _husband_. I appreciate it.”

And the look on Q’s face was so warm and pleased and well, besotted, okay, begrudgingly besotted, she may have made a tiny _aww_ sound. 

006 laughed with menace. “Don’t worry about ratting us out. I made sure Mallory won’t do anything.” Then he did that flex thing 00s are prone to do when they think you’ll give them information or prototypes or your snack cakes.

Q said, “It’s cute that you think your little pyro stunt with his waste bin has anything to do with him turning a blind eye.”

She had quickly promised to never tell anyone anything and then had got the hell out of there.

* * *

Claire felt about half and inch tall when she saw the notice in the break room for mandatory safety training and also promptly spilled her tea. Just as 006 was apparently coming in to pilfer sweets because his voice was _right_ in her ear. “Easy killer.”

And she turned red as an overripe tomato _remembering_ , which is why people have been giving her one part concerned two parts pitying looks over her apparent crush on 006. _Shoot her now_. 

After the mandatory training on what to do regarding hostiles in Q Branch, and some general self defense, she went and got into her “Just shoot me now and put me out of my self-inflicted misery” chocolate stash. She was just going for another enormous bite when she heard someone clear their throat.

She turned around, her Tony’s Chocolonely bar tucked against her chest in the protective curl of her wrist. 

_Was that a slight giggle? From their Overlord?_

“I feel the same way about my favorite biscuits,” Q said conspiratorially. 

“Sir?”

“I’m putting you on a new project, please join me in my office.”

They went over the preliminary plan for a smaller taser.

He said, “Well, if you’re going to jump into situations, I figured you should be trained and…he tapped on the plans pointedly. 

He continued, “Of course, you are not supposed to engage, we have security for that.” 

“Of course, sir. I wouldn’t dream of it.”

”I mean it.” But then he shrugged. 

_Security can’t always arrive in time._

“You know, we haven’t discussed the testing phase yet.” His smile was downright evil.


	6. Love on the Lido Deck ~or- James Bond’s Guide to Creativity in Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James Bond _hates_ it when Q gives other agents new tech. He’ll also be damned if anyone breaks his records.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Collab Table Prompt for Ato-the-Bean: “Bond jealous of Q giving a piece of tech to another agent.”

“I _cannot_ fucking believe you!” Q seethed. 

“I cannot fucking believe _you_!” Bond parroted right back.

“What was that complete and utter nonsense?!”

“ _That_ was the Quartermaster showing favoritism for 004.”

“Whaaat?!”

“Where’s _my_ new tech?”

“I gave her _knitting_ needles because her cover requires TEACHING _KNITTING_ CLASSES!”

Bond fell back on his tried and true ‘when in doubt, stare’.

“My office. _Now_.” 

Q closed the door behind him. “The fuck?”

Bond deflated down to merely petulant. “Didn’t you get my text?”

“I was in a _meeting_.” 

“With _Finance_.”

“I’m not dropping everything to blow you in the men’s, Bond.”

“That’s not…”

“What was this? Your piss poor ploy for angry make-up sex?”

“You said work comes first,” Bond said. 

“Yes, _clearly_.”

“I need to defend my static apnea record.”

Q raised an eyebrow.

“Those little newby bastards are casing the pool,” Bond elaborated. 

“I suppose you’re wanting to use Q-Branch’s Lido Deck.”

“If you’ve got a gap between drowning innocent sportscars and testing seagull snorkels.”

“I’m very busy, 007. I’m not sure who I can spare to run your tests.”

“I’m betting I can make you come so hard, you can’t remember how to operate a stopwatch.”

”Oh, _look_. I have an opening. _Overnight_.” 


	7. Use Your Accrued Holiday Time, Kids ~or~ Someone Give Mallory a Biscuit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Q escapes with James and Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Collab Table Prompt from Stormofsharpthings: "How about - James and Alec will NOT take a break, so Q, with the help of M, arranges for the three of them to go on a ‘mission’ but doesn’t tell them it’s a holiday until they’re there"

“M, I need your help,” Q said.

Fool that he was, M had thought their weekly meeting was in the bag. He might never get that biscuit at this rate.

“James and Alec will _not_ take a break,” Q said with an unusual amount of exasperation, which was saying something. 

“As I’ve been informed by Medical on a daily basis.”

“Yes, well, Medical has been on my case for not taking my leave. Any of it.”

“Dare I ask how much?”

“6 months, 3 weeks and 5 days, sir.”

M rubbed the heels of his hands against his brows. 

“I’ll give you three weeks, provided you take those two troublemakers with you, the entire time, and that you keep them out of trouble.”

Q wasn’t getting up to leave. It was making the vein on Mallory's forehead throb. He could _feel_ it.

M said, “I suppose I could arrange for the three of you to go on a ‘mission’?”

"That would probably be best sir."

"You’ve got a location picked out?"

"All details have already been arranged, sir."

"Give me the brief then, so I can assign it.”

“Don’t tell them it’s a holiday until they’re there.”

"Wouldn't dream of it, sir."

* * *

When M came out of his office, Moneypenny handed him a biscuit and said, “Saved you one, sir.”

* * *

The mission briefing went as well as could be expected. 006 and 007 _balked_ at being put on babysitting duty, stating that surely _no one_ warranted two 00s.

Once the fit had nearly run its course, the Quartermaster said with the greatest of understated disdain, “I see.” Then he turned to M and said, “M, I told you I’ll be fine with a pair of _Junior_ Agents. It’s only three weeks.”

And then weren’t they the changingest tune changers in the history of Toddlers-Who-Had-Been-Throwing-A-Fit-Mere-Moments-Ago.”

006 and 007 accepted the mission. Q accepted he wasn’t getting rid of his headache anytime today.

* * *

Once Q was buckled in, he said, “No questions until we get there. The address is in your GPS. I am sleeping. I packed you snacks. And yes, Alec your favorite blanket you insist on not bringing, but then incessantly bitch if it's left behind is--" Q whacked Alec in the back of his head with it. ”

Alec grumbled something that was 'thank you' if you spoke Crabby Russian and were generous in your translation.

Q punched his pillow in order to make it comfier. Then said, "And no roadhead. You're on the clock."

* * *

"We’re here," James announced.

"All right," Q said. Whatever you’ve been dying to ask for the last six hours, have at it."

“Are we going rogue?” Alec asked.

Q opened his mouth but nothing came out. How was that even a question. "Yes, Alec. I’ve lured you here under the very nose of M in order to convince you both to go rogue with me. Naturally, your only choice is to woo me back to your side with such intoxicating pleasure, I—"

Alec turned back to James. “You think we can fuck the sarcasm out of him?”

James drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. “Hmm. Not permanently. Probably have to take it like a daily dose.”

Q scoffed, “You’re not that good.” And then under his breath. " _Daily!_ Ha!"

“I told you you’d be glad we brought the cuffs and gag,” Alec said.

James scoffed. "As if _that_ was ever in doubt."

Q smiled a greedy little smile of anticipation.

And then in unison, Alec and James said, "Thank you for convincing Mallory to give us all time off for a sex holiday, Q."


End file.
